January 2011
19 posts
I am sick.
So I spent all day on the Internet. I checked all my OCs to see if they were Mary Sues ( thank god they weren’t) and then looked up my symptoms. Apparently I have schizoprenia?????
I'm scared.
Everything is getting so much worse: the mood swings, the voice, the suicidal thoughts. I try to tell my counsellor - but she changes the conversation. What use is she? What’s the point anymore- no one really wants to help me.
Watching Brokeback Mountain.. RIP Heath Ledger.
Guys - I really miss being able to use this blog properly, it used to be the only thing that made me feel better. God I miss you guys.
Veganlovesyou: Thankyou. I just feel so bleugh atm and I don’t really have any friends and I just feel so aargh. I’ve never been worse and well, thanks. Really.
Can I die now?
It’s official - noone would miss me.
The only reason I’m not dead yet is beause it would break my mothers heart. Not because I’m dead, yeah that would hurt her, but it would break her heart because you can’t have a church funeral for people who kill themselves.
Tuesday:
I’ll try and tell my counsellor the truth. I’ll try and be brave, but I need a hand to hold and a body to hug. I need to know that no matter how bad it gets someone who can be physically there for me won’t leave. I’ll tell her. really I will.
I've got it on my mind to change my ways, but I...
Stop taking your anger out on mr mam, I’m still in my pyjamas because I don’t have the energy to get changed. I’m ill mam, mentally. You say you understand and you’ll be there for me, and I know it’s difficult for you, but at least try to understand instead of just being angry at me, please.
To Kathykit13
Thankyour for you’re lovely words, they mean a lot to me, and I am trying sweetie, really I am. Thankyour beautiful, it’s much appreciated
To the anon who asked about my old blog:
I can’t use tumblr at all, and only get on here on my iPod so I’m afraid I can’t use my ol blog - i stopped using it cuz no one ever spoke to me and i felt like i was being somewhat fake on it. I did adore my followers on it, and I’m very flattered you said it was your favourite blog, could you tell me who you are? (:
I want my fucking freedom back.
Can’t sleep. Want to die. Really can’t be fucked for another year in this shithole, another year living with the torment of my mind.
I don’t think I can keep this up.
December 2010
73 posts
I think I'm going crazy.
I’m so stressed and anxious, I can’t breathe properly and I can’t stop crying. I know all my ‘friends’ and family hate me and my mam can’t handle me any more, I can’t tell my counsellor because I don’t know what she will do and I don’t want to worry my mam anymore because she thinks I’m getting better. I’m so fucking afraid.
I just wanted to wish you all a Happy New Year - I’m hoping this year will be better than last year.